My partner has turned violent

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eden4
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 8:59 am 
Post subject: My partner has turned violent
Hi
Two weeks ago I gave birth to my beautiful little girl, I had the most perfect and easy birth,
my partner of over two years supported me, even though he told me he would not be at the birth, I managed to persuade him to and he was ok in the end.
He took a week off work and was a great help, I actually felt lucky to have such a great guy, he has 2 boys aged 15 and 18 from a previous relationship, I have 2 girls aged 14 and 6 also a boy of 9 from a fifteen year I left my now ex husband after he beat me quite badly and I decided no more.My new baby was sort of planned, we were both so happy when I found out I was pregnant and delighted when she arrived 2 weeks early.
My partners eldest son has been staying with us because he fell out with his mum, it was supposed to be just a couple of weeks, but hes been there for around 6 months now, making a mess, pots , dirty clothes and towels on floor, just general teenage things Its my partners house so ive tried not to complain, even though my three kids have been sharing a small room for all that time.But yesterday we had his other son too, I just got fed up with picking up after everyone, including my own kids and got a bit upset, my partner asked what was wrong so I said Im sick of being put on, Im looking after our baby, breastfeeding, up in the night with her, then expected to pick up after everyone.
Later on I came back after visiting my mum, 25 miles away, He asked me why I was being such a stroppy b***h, again I said as before, he in turn blamed my kids and I reacted by saying it was eveyone, he stormed off and ignored me for about an hour, so i went with our baby into the downstairs lounge where my youngest two were watching tv, after about twenty minutes he came down and took baby of me, I then thought to myself I will go to my mums, so I went into the other lounge upstairs and went to pick baby up, saying Im going to stay at my mums for a couple of days, to that he dragged me out of the room, i tried to return to get her and he pushed me down the stairs, again i got up and he wouldnt let me get to her, I kept saying I want my baby, and he got me by the neck clenched his other hand into a fist and said if i ever took his baby away hed kill me, my two younger children saw all this and were crying and screaming, again he pushed me downstairs and kept threatening me and telling me to get out of his house, I called the police on my mobile I had in my pocket, he and his eldest son just laughed, called me an unfit mother, said Id never get the baby because I had depression in the past, he said i could never go back in his house, i had only now got 3 children.
His son continued to swear at me calling me all the names under the sun, as my partner just smirked at me saying the police would never let me take the baby after what he had to say.I just stood on the stairs and waited for the police, when they arrived one talked to me and I explained my side, he then went up to speak to my partner with his colleague and I could hear him and his son saying I picked the baby up like a rag doll I was an unfit mother and he was refusing to let me take her as I was a danger to her, his son also added similar comments, he could get some sma so I wasn't even needed to feed her!
The police even called my midwife to see if I was fit to take her, which hurt me so much.
I got to take her but had to leave everything, I drove away only to be followed by his son, luckily the police had followed him and pulled him over, god knows what he was going to do. I havent pressed charges as I was so scared, I have bruises everywhere, Im so
scared hes going to try and get custody of our little angel, I couldnt survive without her.
I cant believe he would do this, ive given birth 2 weeks ago and hes pushed the mother of his baby down the stairs, Ive got nothing with me, no clothes for any of us, no pram, crib, toys, clothes schoolthings of my other children, all my important paperwork is there,passports birth certs driving licence im sure he will destroy everything I own, he even told his son to while i was still there, what am I going to do? please can anyone give me any advice x
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MichellenEvan
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 9:30 am 
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omg hun im so sorry to hear what u have been thru u shud never have to go thru that!! and im glad u got ur baby
i can assure u of one thing he will never get custody hun not now that he has beat u and beat u so badly!! is the only reason u didnt press charges because u r scared??
if i were u i wud press charges and take out an order so him and his sons cant come near u or u kids cos it sounds to me like his sons r jst as bad as him!! he sounds like a really dangerous man hun
r u staying at ur mums?
im sure if u phone the police again they will take u round for ur stuff and that way he cant do u any harm whilst they r there and if u get a conjunction order out against him and press charges he will not be able to come near u after u have ur stuff!!!
take pictures of all ur bruising to that way if he did try to get custody later you could show what he did to u!! he is clearly a very violent man and there is nothing to say he wud not hit his kids either so im sure he wudnt get custody!! u already have 3 kids who i am sure r very well looked after so there is no reason u wud not get to keep ur baby
i cant even begin to imagine what u r goin thru hun, but i wud really advise pressing charges u cant let him get away with what he has done or he will continue to do it!! also he may come lookin for his baby and there is no telling what he will do then so u really need the police protection!!
i hope ur ok hun not sure if this will help but i couldnt ignore ur post!!

xxx
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1lbkb
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 9:39 am 
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This is heartbreking, I am crying my eyes out, I cannot believe the [*CENSORED*] - sorry but their is no other word for a pig like this.

Have you been checked over by a doctor, especially since you only gave birth 2 weeks ago?

Def press charges I know it must be scary but but you cannot allow this to happen to you.

I agree I reckon the police will help you to get back and get your stuff.

I wish I could hug you xxx
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eden4
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 3:56 pm 
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Im still crying now, I just cannot believe he did this, he said he would never hurt me only days ago, I havent done anythying today but call people trying to get help, the number I was given for the police told me to go to his house and collect my things but not to take the baby but im sure he would attack me again, I managed to speak to my midwife who told me not to go, it wasnt worth the risk. I'm just too scared anyway.
He didnt admit to the police that he pushed me down the stairs and assulted me, he said he just led me down as I was such a danger to the baby and his son backed him up.
I am scared of him now, I have never seen him so angry and he looked as if he wanted me dead, the way he pushed me down the stairs was so vicious I'm terrified what he will do next, he didnt care what happened to me, the way he screamed at my other children left them absolutely terrified. I'm just so scared of pressing charges.
I put up with a violent husband for 15 years and reported him once which he was found guilty but we got back together only for it to happen over again, it wasnt regular and I was younger and stupid to think he would change, the last time he beat me I reported him, went to court but he was found not guilty, I think partly because I had no witnesses and It was a year after and I struggled with recalling dates and times because I was so nervous, my partner knew about my past and said to me before the police arrived he was going to tell them I obviously do this all the time, trying to get him into trouble like I did with my ex husband. So thats another reason i'm scared of pressing charges.
I feel so poorly I am tempted just to go to A & E just to be on the safe side.
I have gone to my mums but she has Multiple sclerosis and is confined to a wheelchair and I dont want to bring any trouble to her as she lives alone.

Thankyou for your comments I really appreciate being able to talk about it x x
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:13 pm 
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Eden my dear you have obviously been through hell and dont deserve to be treated by this man or any other the way you have. I was in a violent relationship before I met my DH and had chd and that was bad enough. I was young and nieve at the time so didnt press charges. You must do this. I know you dont want to traumatise your chd but they were obvioulsy there and could maybe recall to a social worker if needed as eveidence. I think you need to go to A&E to get yourself checked out and maybe ring some support group such as the Samaritains etc to get advice on what to do next. He wont get custody of your Daughter so please try not to worry. You sound a very brave lady who needs some help and support that you deserve. please dont go back to his house even without baby you could be risking yourself even more. Have the police been able to give any advice at all about collecting your belongings. Go get yourself checked out, if need be write all the details down fresh at the moment for future needs just as a record. Please take care {{BIG HUG}} and Please let us know how you and your children are.Clairexx
Huntermac
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 9:50 pm 
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Hi there hun and im sorry you had to go through that.

Im going to be frank so I hope I dont offend you. Press charges, if he can do it once he can do it again and the next time it could be one of your darling children. Men always say -"but id never hit a child" rubbish, if he can hit a woman, he can hit a child who wont fight back. He is nothing but an evil barstard and you nor you children deserve to be threatend or terrified the way you were. Im a bit confused why the police havnt escorted you back for some of your belongings and rather discusted actually. I know you have only just given birth and this is the last thing you need right now but I would get things moving, make sure he is tresspassed from you mums house (thats where you are??) and a court order so he nor his sons can come near you OR your other 2 children. Please hun, for your safety, press charges. He sounds as though he loves the fact that he can make you so afraid of him that you wont do anything. Stand your ground now, you will not loose your darling little baby to such a horrible monster so put that right out of your mind. Do you have Woman's Refuge over there, or something simular? This type of organisation is fantastic and they have all the info you need to start proceedings, any kind of helpline should have their number.

I will be thinking of you and I hope we hear from you really soon. We are all behind you 100%. xxxxxxxxx
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eden4
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Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:53 am 
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Thanks for the replies,
I did go to accident & emergency last night I was feeling so ill, the blood loss we loose after having a baby had almost gone, after the assault it had started again and I was sure hed done some internal damage, the staff at the hospital was great, ran a series of tests and blood tests which come back fine and also took note of all my bruising. Also gave me phone numbers of helplines whom I'm going to ring today.
I spoke to the police officer who attended the incident, he told me that I needed to arrange with my now ex partner a time to collect my belongings, then go to a police station and ask for a police officer to attend, I'd have to wait until one came available and that they would only be able to stay up to an hour, not really long enough to pack up all our belongings!
I'm still in shock and still can't stop crying, my children are so traumatised, my nlne year old boy even said he would always stay single as he didn't want to turn into one of these violent men, which broke my heart, all I ever wanted was for us to be safe and happy x x
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Huntermac
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Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 7:12 am 
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Eden im so proud of you, well done. I know an hour isnt much but even if you can grab the most important things, who cares about the rest. Can i suggest that you make a list of what you would like to get most from the house, like personal papers and photo's, that way you wont have to waste anytime when you are there thinking about what to get. Is there a good friend or maybe even her husband who can go with you as well, they could run the stuff back to the car while you keep packing. Between them and the policeman you will have no problems. Ignore any taunts that rotten bugger says to you, he will be stunned that you actually have the guts to leave him and I would love to see his face when he realises that you mean it.

O eden im really pleased that you are actually going to get the assistance you need at this time. Your children are going to grow up and be so proud of their mum who put her safety and their welfare first. Im really sorry to hear what your son said though, im sure he will change is mind when a pretty young lady comes into his life and the best thing...you know he will treat her with the respect she deserves, you taught him that. Please stay in touch, I would love to hear how you are getting on.
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Linzxx
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Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 8:34 am 
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i agree with huntermac, u hav been soo brave n hav done the best thing...i know its so difficult at the moment n ur hurting so much, but remember u hav yr dear children n no 1 wil ever b able to take them from u...as time goes things will get easier...like huntermac says make a list of things u need this will save time...hav u some1 who would come wiv u??? After reading yr posts i was just disgusted...that animal could never take yr baby away from u..NOWAY!! I know how hard it is to leave a home...n a voilent man...but u will not regret it i promise....please keep in touch wiv us xxxx please make sure u ring those helplines they r there to help you xxxx
MummaT
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Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:23 am 
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Eden, I'm so sorry for everything you have been going through. I really hope you have a happy ending. I'm sure good things are coming your way very soon. As the others have said don't let him intimidate you, and when you go to get your things don't say one word to him just get what you can and leave. I also think its a great idea to take a couple of big male friends with you to help. Where abouts do you live? Only I was thinking if you don't have anyone you can call on I know some that would be perfect for the job. I really mean it so let me know. Lots of {{{{{hugs}}}}} Just know that your never alone and that there are lots of people out there who want to help you. X
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Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 8:11 pm 
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Eden well done you for getting checked out etc. This isnt going to be an easy time but you are one brave lady and he is one pathetic man. Big Hugs for you children and you and I hope you manage to get the important stuff from the house. Take care and speak soon. Clairexx
hoping4
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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:17 pm 
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hi eden i just wanted to say that i am so sorry to hear about your awfull situation. you ar e one brave ladie and you must pursue this and dont let him get away with it. i am glad you are getting the support you need an i only wish that all us askbaby ladies could come with you and help you get your stuff, bloody bully wouldnt know what hit him then. take care of youxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx big hug xxxxx
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Huntermac
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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:27 pm 
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hoping4 wrote:
an i only wish that all us askbaby ladies could come with you and help you get your stuff, bloody bully wouldnt know what hit him then. take care of youxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx big hug xxxxx


Laughing God help any man who has 1000's of hormonal woman bearing down upon him, I wouldnt want to be there for the clean up!! Actually, wouldnt we be more fitting justice than prison, we would definaltely be something you'd never forget!!!
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Linzxx
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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 8:53 pm 
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too rite huntermac...i like to see the bully try pushing us down the stairs....i hope Eden is ok..havent heard from her Sad ....I love the photo of yr little lad he is soo cute Smile
Huntermac
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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:11 pm 
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Ta, you should flick some on of your kids!! See Eden, you go away for a couple of days and we already worry about you Very Happy Your part of our family now Very Happy
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