Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:01 pm
Post subject: Jealousy
I was just wondering if any of you lovely ladies with step kiddies have a problem with jealousy between siblings and how you deal with it?
Although there was a little bit when Thomas was born, we fully expected this as OH daughter had been an only child all her life so was a big adjustment. However I thought it would be long forgotten now On Thomas's birthday Oh daughter was over and Oh sister brought her kids round and we had a lil party type thing and OH daughter was a bit of a nightmare. She was really showing off and and being mouthy etc and I wondered if it was a little bit of jealousy as all the attention was on her brother?
Also Im starting to worry about xmas She is spending it with us this year which will be lovely but we are travelling up to my parents xmas eve and spending xmas day there. The thing is - she has always been really spoilt and got loads at xmas but this year we simply can't afford it, we have another child and I was made redundant in August Although we have spent equal amounts on both (if not slightly more on her) she has asked for money and won't be getting a sack ful of pressies whereas Thomas has got loads of little bits. Also Thomas is my parents first grandchild and does get spoilt rotten by them and my nan and my brother. They have all got OH daughter pressies too but wont be as much and Im worried she will have a paddy and act like a brat (was like that last year and she had 300 pound spent on her )
Anyway sorry for waffling - just wondered if anybody had similar experiences and advice?
Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 9:49 pm
sorry to say this hun but she just sounds like a complete spolit brat! and shes gota realise that its nt always bout her there other people aswel. maybe u shud talk to her and explain things to her that theres no need to be jelous thats shes part of it al aswel as ur lil boy but she cnt expect every thing wen theres 2 of them nw. hope that helpd and gud luck. xx
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:06 pm
my step son is similar, when it was andrews bday both of the step children were here and andrew obviously had lots of gifts and money with it being his 1st bday... however the step son kept going 'oh hes got loads' in a whiney wingey voice and went off in a pout because of it,
then when it was the party because andrew was getting all the attention he kept doing naughty things to get attention and back chatting etc for attention because like your step daughter was jealouso f all the attention being on andrew.
im dreading xmas with them because step kids have both got really expensive presents... the step son a stereo thing that has an ipod dock was £140 and a game that was £20 and other bits and bats and the step daughter has a laptop that was over £300 but she will be happy with that but andrew has lots of little bits (all bought by me i might add!!) and sophie a few bits but shes far too young this year to understand anything! so hes probs going to go off in a pout winge or whatever because of this.
sorry not any advice other than maybe sit her down and explain to her that she has got probably more than thomas money wise it just looks less because his are all cheap bits and bats. but at least you knowyour nto alone!
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:10 pm
Thanks for the replies ladies - like you say wrigs - it is nice to just know you are not alone.
As far as sitting her down goes I think we would be wasting our breath tbh - she knows we will have spent more on her but Im more worried about the fact that my family will spoil Thomas wrotten (I know they will - but is to be expected - first grandchild syndrome - lol) and although they will get her pressies too - won't be on the same scale as Thomas I dont think. But on the other hand - what do you possibly buy the teenager that has everything?
I am seriously dreading xmas as I never know how she will act and it makes me uncomfortable - I really hate confrontation but also I have come to the point where I wont be (and wont allow OH to be) taken for granted. I don't want Thomas and bump to grow up ungrateful so I wont put up with it. Hopefully it will all be fine but we are going to OH family on boxing day so she will have a lovely big audience and as much alcohol as she can drink (which I also don't aprove of but thats another thread) - aaarrgghh!!! Im dreading it!
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:15 pm
oh god hun i feel sorry for you, i knowEXACTLY how you feel i know that feeling of dread not knowing how they will act on a certain day. we are going to ohs mums sunday and his son (and his daughter but mainly his son) really get very cheeky when they are there, they talk to oh and their grandma in a way i would never have dreamed of talking to mine its like they have no respect and i do not want my children growing up like them.
could you possibly say to his daughter that yes your mum n dad will spoil thomas however she has got her mums family, so technically she prob gets more in teh long run because i highly doubt that her gran from her mums side will buy thomas anything?
thats how i see it anyways, my mum has bought r&m (the step kids) a couple of presents each and got my 2 a fair bit but i highly doubt that stephs mum (their gran) will have got my 2 anything and i know they will get spoilt there too so technically they get a fair bit more.
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:37 pm
OMG you know how I feel! yey - why do they do that? get all cheeky and disrespectful when they are at OH family? OH daughter is not a bad person - very spoilt but I blame the parents for that - she is pretty much a typical teen. BUT when she is around any of OH family she is a completely different person - and like you said has no respect and I would never ever dream of speaking to anybody the way she does to her Mum and dad. It is sooo uncomfortable for me its unreal - and they just allow it
It really worries me that Paul will allow Thomas to do the same and Im gonna be banging my head against a brick wall when it comes to trying to tell him off in the future. My biggest fear is that he will also turn out a brat . God I hope not!
Im sure Emma will get lots from her side at xmas (she has no granparents on that side unfortunately) but lots of aunts and uncles and extended family so you are right that she will get as much - prob more - in the long run. I think she gets that eventually but it still doesn't stop the paddys at the time. Arrgghh!!! Im gonna be a bald nervous wreck by this time next week - and you watch - it will all go smoothly and Ill feel even worse for thinking this way (fingers crossed )
Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:44 pm
pmsl im hoping i will be slapping myself for being silly too but i cant see it happening unfortunately.
wow you know this forum was a great idea i feel so much better getting all this out here! thank you so much for listening to my ranting and problems! and an even bigger thank you for replying!
yeah it makes me feel uncomfortable when we are at ohs mums with them... take this time at the beginning of this year for example, we were chatting about when they went to see ohs sister and we got onto the subject of the wii and i said we used to have one but we sold it (my mu bought it for me before i got with oh so was mine technically) because the kids never played with it and we wasnt interested... anyways ohs son goes in a really horrible tone, 'why?' and i went because nobody was playing with it and it was gathering dust and he went 'well i played with it' and all i could think was yeah thats why you noticed we sold it months ago but obviously didnt say anything then he was speaking in a horribile tone the entire time at the table then... made it really awkward!
Posted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:48 pm
I haven't had any problems as yet, but i make sure that my step-kids know we love them as much as we love our child together,
Although my step-daughter sat on MY mums knee just before i gave birth and said to her:- Nanny you wont love me as much when you have our little sister, lol, my mum laughed at her, cuddled her and told her of course she will, she will just be Nannys big girl and her sister will be Nannys little girl, and thats how its been ever since,
The kids get treated the same as always, and know my family still love them as much as before, even though they are not their proper grandparents, The kids just think its fab coz they now have half a dozen sets of grandparent, greatgreatparents, and as they say a sort of great great nan lol