i feel awful but i cant help it!!

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MichellenEvan
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Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2010 8:15 pm 
Post subject: i feel awful but i cant help it!!
i feel awful but at the moment i jst have to look at my step son and i am [*CENSORED*] off at him! it sounds really nasty but he has jst turned into a lazy, selfish and ungrateful brat!! infact exactly like his mother!!
and its really pissing me off espec cos im havin a hard time with evan sleepin and me and oh are not gettin on at the moment either!
his room here is never tidy u ask him to clean it and the look u get is unreal infact no matter what u ask him to do u get a look, he is never smiles although there is nothing wrong with him he is perfectly happy and wants for absolutely nothing!! he is 12!!
i know he is like this sometimes at his mums but not all the time like i know he dont like being asked to do anything at hers either but he has manners wen he is at hers but here he jst looks at us like dirt!!
he barely even acknowledges me these days infact he dont speak to his dad that much either jst sits in his room playin his bloody computers speakin to ppl on xbox live!! and i cud prob count on both my hands how often he has acknowledged evan
ive seen his mobile and he is always txtn his mum (who lets jst say is the worst mother on the planet and thats puttin it nicely) tellin her goodnight and everything he is doin here
i came down stair last night to find he is tea plate sittin on the table half the food still on it and he had jst left it there for me to clean so i went off my head told oh it wasnt acceptable oh said he told him to leave it cos he wud get it but why shud he get it he is old enough to know to bin what he hasnt ate and put dishes in dishwasher again this mornin his dishes left at his arse!!
the other week he asked his mum if she cud hand in a pair of jeans he wanted to our house and she said no cos she didnt have transport to get across and she hadnt washed them yet (he had last wore them over a week before) so oh got up 7am the nxt morning went to his mums picked them up n i washed them so he had them for goin out with his friends and the look on his face wen he saw them it lit up and he said yes did mum drop my stuff off and i said no ur dad got up first thing to pick them up so u had them and he jst said oh and went away back upstair not even as much as a thank u, yet he was all set to sing his mums praises thinkin she had dropped them off, then there was a game he wanted for his xbox i took him to tesco for it was out of stock so i checked nxt time i was in and it was back in stock so i got it and put it in his room nxt time he was here after he had been playin his comp i asked if he saw i got the game and all i got was "yeh" in a tone as if of course i saw u got it how else wud it get in my room!! ive asked him numerous times not to bang the doors wen he closes them cos evan is such a light sleeper anything wakes them and still he bangs them
there is no telling oh, wen i said i was [*CENSORED*] off bout him being ungrateful oh jst said oh u know what he is like
i feel bad but it really is time he got a boot up the arse between this and evan being not well and now we r right back where we started with the cc the rift between me n oh is unreal we cant look at each other without arguing if it wasnt for the fact there is no way im leavin my house and stuff in it id have been gone yesterday!!
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xDebsx
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Posted: Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:41 am 
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Hun - take a deep breath and do not let this come between you and your OH! I know exactly how you feel hun - i go through phases like this with my OH and his daughter. People say being a parent is the hardest job in the world - but I totally disagree - being a STEP parent is! Some people take to it so easily and Im happy for them but then they probably get the suport they need from their OHs Rolling Eyes

I think you need to do a few things hun - first of all sit down and talk to your OH. This is probably the hardest part, he will be defensive of his son so chose your words carefully. Tell him how you feel and say that it's not his sons fault so much as you are struggling to relate to him and you need some support. You also need to lay down some house rules and have everybody stick to them. For example - putting the dishes away, keeping his room tidy and just generally showing you some respect and manners. At the end of the day your OH invited you into this little boy's life when you had no experience of being a parent and it is his responsibility to help you both build a relationship. Tell him that you don't want Evan to grow up and show such a lack of respect and that you wouldn't stand for it so you wont from his son either. Your step son, unfortunately, will be a roll model to Evan and they pick things up at such a young age that you need to change things now.

I think that the lack of sleep with Evan isn't going to be helping hun either and you need to get this sorted for all your sakes. I know from your other post that you only have a two bed house hun but I really think it would do you and your OH a world of good to get Evan in his own room and get your space back and also will be great for Evan with his sleeping. Thomas was a terrible light sleeper and it puts so much pressure on you and OH to have to sneak about in your own home and sniping at each other about making noise and waking him etc - and thats not to mention getting some valuable "mummy and daddy time" Wink .

I would start by moving Evan in with your SS - redecorate the room to reflect the fact that is is a shared boys room (nothing too babyish for SS but at the same time - no inapropriate posters etc for Evan, maybe just blue's and greens) and structure it so that they both get their own half - i.e seperate space for toys/games and seperate drawers/wardrobe for clothes. Your SS will just have to accept that you are the adults and him and Evan are the kids so they have to share - and as such he will have to learn to respect that Evan is sleeping so he will have to move his xbox to another room (kitchen/your room/living room - whatever works for you). You will find the CC so much easier with Evan is a different room and it will probably work better - this will take some stress of you and OH and you may find that if you get on better everything else will follow on.

Put it this way hun - you don't want Evan in your room when he is 3 or 4 so you will have to make the move at some point so may as well do it soon and let everybody get used to it. It's not fair on you and OH and its not fair on Evan either and you are all putting yourselves through this for the sake of a 12 year old boy that doesn't even live with you permanantly - sorry if that sounds harsh.

I hope you sort something out soon hun because it would be terrible to think that it has come between you and OH - it's not all SSs fault its just a stressfull situation when you're getting very little sleep and arguing and SS is just adding to that with his lack of respect.

Good luck hunni - let us know your thoughts and if you can sort anything.

xx
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wriggler2008
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:40 am 
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ah sweety i know how you feel!!!! my ohs son does similar things but mainly not listening when i ask him to stop doing something and a pet hate of mine - not flushing the toilet!!! hes even left poos down there *gips*

i agree with debs have a chat with your oh but have a really good think about what to say before you say it as if your oh is like mine he will get really defensive!!

again i agree with debs because oh and i got a lot more sleep when andrew moved into his own room (sophie sleeps through anything bless her lol) and it did make a massive difference to our relationship again Smile your step son isnt there permenantly so i think it wuold be reasonable that if hes wanting to play on xbox etc to make him play in another room whilst evan is in bed, either that or set a time limit that he cant play on it when evan is in bed if he wont agree to move it to another room.

it soudns like your in a very difficult position sweety and feel free to rant to us here we all need to get it out sometimes!! xxx
xDebsx
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Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 5:47 pm 
Post subject:
Hey Michelle - just wondered how things are going and if you have managed to work anything out? Hope youre well hun.

xx
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MichellenEvan
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Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 6:58 pm 
Post subject:
hiya hun i keep forgettin about this section lol

evan is still in with us and sleeping a bit better but oh has had a word with his son and told him he has to keep the noise down,
we were talkin the other day about decorating his sons bedroom and i said well if things continue like this we gonna need to move it about to fit evans stuff in aswell and he didnt reply but he later agreed that it might not be to long before his son dont really want to start staying with us 3 nights a week bcos he is now 12 and at high school and all his friends live closer to his mum than us so wen they start goin out at nights and things he will want to be out with them,
also his mum is starting to let him stay in the house on his own if she is off shopping or gonna be an hour late from work or i heard the other day whilst she went to the pictures but thats another story! so if he is gonna be gettin left at her house on his own with the freedom to please himself then it wont be long before he wants to stay there most of the time and jst come here once a week or whatever
so im waitin it out for now on the condition that he stays quite wen evan is in bed and that oh isnt moaning about having to be quiet wen going to bed but i think things r a lil better cos evan sleeping a lil better, not sleeping good but def better than before lol
hope ur good x
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