Some support?

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jennaxhx
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Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 12:00 am 
Post subject: Some support?
Hey all, I had my twin boys on Monday there at 31 + 4 weeks. They were 3lb 7oz and 3lb 4oz. They are now in neo-natal and have just today been moved from the intensive care unit as both of them are now breathing on their own.

I'm just looking for a bit of support from other women who have been through the same with a baby about as early. I'm trying to be positive and I know they are going to be fine but I am really struggling atm to come to terms with having them so early and not being pregnant now, not being able to look after them or see them all the time and the fact that I feel I will lose that bond with them.
I know 4 days after giving birth your hormones are still going nuts but I have been crying a lot the past few days and getting really teary whenever I think of them. I get sudden bursts of NEEDING to see them and just sit and cry at the fact that I can't. I can phone up the unit anytime to see how they are but it doesn't help much.
I feel like no one around me understands what I'm feeling at the moment. Not really. Even OH, as much as he worries about and loves his boys, he doesn't have the same feelings as me.
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jennaxhx
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Posted: Sat Feb 13, 2010 9:47 pm 
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Anybody?
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LisaGandAmelia
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 12:14 am 
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Oh hun, I know there are a few ladies who have had their baby's at the same sort of gestation as your gorgeous bundles. I hope they'll be along soon! Helz123 and NicolaOasis are 2 off the top of my head. Sorry I have no experience, I didn't want to read and run.

Many congratulations again, I saw their pic and they are both adorable. It sounds like they're doing so well. (((((((hugs))))))) x
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jennaxhx
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 12:23 am 
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Aw thank you hun and thanks for replying Smile

I dunno, I just feel like I need to talk about it with someone who understands what I'm going through at the moment. I think I'll actually go a bit insane if I don't coz I'm sort of bottling a lot of things up just now.
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Corrie22
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 11:08 am 
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No wonder you feel like that. Can you get to the hospital easily or have you had a c-section? I think how you are feeling is completely normal. My baby wasn't prem but was in SCBU for 36 hours and it was horrendous, can't imagine how it must be for you.

Hope you get them home soon. xxx
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hellana
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 11:08 am 
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hi hun my son was born 8wks prem weighing 4lb he was in the nicu for 2 weeks on every machine availiable and he is now 3 they will look after ur twins i found them absolutly brilliant and they will soon catch up with everything eating,weight ect i know it is so worrying but they will be home with u soon enough keep me posted on their progress xxxx
Helz123
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 11:21 am 
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Hiya Jennah

I know exactly how you feel hun. I had Megan at 30+4 weeks she weighed 2lbs 15oz and you are about to go on one hell of a rollercoaster ride of emotions which will go on for a good few weeks if not more! Dont worry though you will look back and wonder how come it went so quick once you are out the other side Smile I know how you feel leaving them there is heart breaking you want to be there every single minute dont you? The first 5 days of Megan's life she was in the neo natal unit in a hospital 50 miles from where I live, luckily I was allowed to stay in the maternity unit as I had her there and they had enough beds. On day 5 she was doing so well that they decided she could be transferred to our local hospital which is only 2 minutes away from where I live. It was good that she was doing so well but I was back at home too which in a way made it harder as I didnt feel like I was with her all the time like when i was in hospital with her. I have 2 other girls so i really couldnt have stayed there even if i could have. I spent every minute i could up there i must have gone back and forth there at least 5 times a day on some days and she just did so well every single day. My worst day was Christmas day as I didnt want to leave her there when we were going to my husbands parents for lunch. We only stayed for lunch then went straight back to the hospital. I could go on and on telling you all about how I felt at the time but I know you know how it is as you are going through exactly the same as i did! It will get easier hun I promise. How far away do you live from the hospital? Is there no way you can stay there to make it feel like you are there for them in your own mind? If you want to ask me any questions go right ahead and like LisaG said there is also Nicolaoasis who also had Aimee around the same time and others too.. We will help you all we can hun. xxxxxx
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JulieWoo
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 12:26 pm 
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Hun
now they are out of intensive care the staff should be actively encouraging you with expressing milk - AND kangaroo care.
You need to be able to bond with them and skin to skin is the best thing you can do for preemies.

If this has not been mentioned yet, please ask one of the NNP's to get it sorted for you.
Julie xx

PS - i had 3 prems. 2 born at 32 weeks and one at 29 - so i know exactly how you are feeling.
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Amylou88
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 7:34 pm 
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Hiya hun my twins were born at 34 weeks, i had probs in my pregnancy and twin 2, Alex was very poorly and died after birth. We expected him too so dont let this worry u! It wasnt because he was prem!
I didnt see Robert his brother until the day after they were born. He had an infection and was on CPAP for 4 days and they thought he had pneumonia. Luckily he didnt but i couldnt hold him until he was 3 days old. That was the longest 3 days of my life!
The hospital let me stay in for 10 days so that i could visit SCBU when i needed to and express easily, did ur hosp not give u this option or did u just feel more comfy at home?
It does get easier! I was lucky as Bobby came home after 22 days and improved like crazy once he started having breastmilk feeds.
The one thing i learnt from Bobby being in SCBU is that he was my baby, even though he was in the unit. Make sure you're asertive and voice your questions/concerns to the nurses and doctors. I kinda felt like Bobby was the hospitals property and never asked if i could hold him as i didnt want to bother the nurses! I was never told about kangaroo care until it was too late. I know its hard but they will be home soon and it sounds like they're doing really well for being such early little boys!
Good luck and take care, like the other mummies have said there is quite a few of premmie mummies on here willing to answer any questions Smile xxx
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jennaxhx
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:34 pm 
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Thanks for your replies everyone. I stay about a 15 minute drive from the hospital but I don't drive myself so have to depend on mine and OH's parents to run me. I'll be getting a bus tomorrow morning but it is about 40 min on the bus so not something I can do several times a day!

I've never had kangaroo care mentioned to me. They only ever ask us if we would like a "cuddle" which is just holding them wrapped in a blanket. I touch them a lot though, they have advised me to use a firm touch and put one hand on their head and the other on their back as this is a great comfort to them and makes them feel secure and loved.

I couldn't stay at the hospital. I was in for 4 days and was told then that I was free to go as I was fine so felt after that that if I stayed longer it would seem like I was treating the place more like a hotel. I also have loads and loads to do for my babies getting out, namely sorting out somewhere to live so I'm going to have a VERY busy next couple of months.

I'm hoping that my LO's will be out soon though, obviously realistically it won't be for another 6 weeks at least but having been told that they would probably be kept in til their due date (another 8 weeks) I have high hopes that it wont be quite as long due to them progressing so fast. Just found out tonight when visiting that they have put on weight after the initial weight loss that babies have and Liam is now off his drip which I'm so happy about! Very Happy xx

P.S Sorry for the long post. I rambled a bit lol
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JulieWoo
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:50 pm 
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Glad you are a bit happier now.

Next time time you go in ask one of the practitioners to help you with skin to skin. Dont be frightened to be assertive - its what they are there for. You are their mummy - cuddles in blankets are all well and good - but skin to skin is well documented to have many benefits - and they know that!

Basically baby is stripped to nappy and you wear a blouse you can unbutton baby lies on your chest and a blanket a put over both of you to keep you snug. You can then talk to your baby and cuddle as much as you like. Bubs hears your heart beating and feels safe and secure - he will miss hearing it as he was not ready to be born yet.

Julie xx
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Helz123
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Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 11:20 pm 
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I'm sure they will tell you about the kangaroo care?? It really does make you feel closer to your babies. Dont forget we are all here if you need to talk xxx
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jennaxhx
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Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 12:05 am 
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Would they have mentioned it right away? I havent even saw any of the other mothers doing this in either of the wards my boys have been in

On a different subject, I'd like your opinions please. I feel like I'm totally missing something just now. Atm, I am still living with my parents in an overcrowded house. But hoping to be in my own place in the next four weeks. I said to my OH that I reckoned Liam and Craig would be out of hospital in maybe 5 or 6 weeks rather than 8, you know, trying to be positive and everything. He turns round and says basically he hopes not as he wants to be able to get our own place totally sorted before they are out. So he basically has just totally crushed my hopes and positivity with that.

Later, I read a story online of a woman who had a baby at 31 weeks, her sons progress sounded very much like my LO's so far and she said that he was in hospital for 5 weeks. I mention this to my mum who says the same as my OH, that I shouldn't hope for them to be out too soon until I have my own place as theres no room for them here.

I'm very upset by this. Feeling more than ever that none of them have a clue how I'm feeling but also feeling that maybe I just cant see sense or something Confused Am I just totally not seeing things clearly or am I right to be wanting my babies home more than anything else?
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Amylou88
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Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 10:34 am 
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Of course you're right wanting your boys home straight away hun! Unless you've had a prem bub you cant understand what its like. I can kind of understand what your mum and oh mean about not wanting the boys out tooson as they prob would just like them to have a lovely little home sorted first! Thats good news that they may be home sooner than you thought! I was told that Bobby wouldn't be home before his due date and he came home after 3 weeks, so 3 weeks before his due date!

What ever happens hun things will get sorted! It is hard as it feels like none of your close family or friends can understand how you feel, and even your oh seems to be on a completely diff planet to you.

And dw SCBU wont let your boys home until you're all ready Smile it is amazing how tiny little prem babies can start off very poorly and then in a couple of days/weeks have improved so much its like they're not even the same babies! Its a good positive thing huni! xx
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JulieWoo
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Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:58 am 
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Jenna - they may surprise you hun.

They are doing so well. Both my 32 weekers only spent 14 days in SCBU before they came home - your two will probably stay a little longer depending how they do.
One my 32 weekers is 18 now and he is over 6ft tall Very Happy the other is 12 and she is doing so well at school. They both did okay as a matter of fct and the 18yo want to go to uni.

My 29 weeker was in SCBU for 6 weeks before he came home and he was 2lbs 11oz which is scariliy small as he lost quite a bit before he started gaining. I honestly cant remember how much milk he was on when he came home but i remember 32mls being marked on his sheet.
Its the sucking reflex that seems to take the time to develop - but once they get the hang of it theyre away - although it does tire them out to begin with so they usually switch alternately between tube and bottle/breast. It does get frustrating. I doubt very much your babies will be in SCBU for 8 weeks hun.

Even if you dont see other mums doing kangaro care - it doesnt mean you cant. The staff do know about it - perhaps you need to go and speak to someone - you dont want to be missing out on that precious time together.
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