Newbie- needing to share

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Joined: 22 Oct 2014
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Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2014 8:16 am 
Post subject: Newbie- needing to share

I've decided the only way to stop myself going stir crazy is to share my experiences, pretty much just to vent! I hope I don't bore you too much! I'm new and don't understand all the abbreviations yet so will just put it out there for now!

I'm 26, my husband is 45. We have been off the pill since September 2010. I'm desperate to have a family and I believe that he is too. I believe, and do not know for sure because we do not talk about having a baby. My husband has been married twice before and there are no kids. I do not know if they tried- as I said we do not talk about it. As a result he is convinced that he cannot have kids. He has not been tested and neither have I. God forbid I bring it up! He drinks and smokes and I'm a smoker, so you could say that we haven't really taken it seriously, but at the moment I kind of see smoking as my crutch to get me through the trauma I face every month!

We have a very open and loving relationship, but the baby topic is a no go, because my other half feels there is too much pressure on him to 'perform'. When we have spoken about it (normally after I've had a drink to brace myself), he has told me this and I have done my utmost to convince him that whilst in the middle of loving each other, having a baby is the last thing on my mind. And I can honestly say that is the truth! For me a baby is a fabulous byproduct of our love and in 'the moment', our love is all that matters. Maybe he wants a baby so bad, he's putting pressure on himself? And blaming me makes it easier? I wish I knew!

I'm posting this now, because this month, I was 7 days late. I let myself believe that our miracle had happened. It didn't and because we cannot talk about it, I am hiding my sadness from my husband. I'm devastated and cannot stop the tears when I give in and let them start.

So many of my friends have kids or are pregnant, I'm starting to resent them. There is no one that I can share this with! So if you have made it to the end of this, I thank you for listening.

AskBaby Star
AskBaby Star
Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Posts: 3103
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Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2014 4:40 pm 
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It's good to get it off your chest. I don't have any advice regarding your husband shutting down but I do feel he is being very closed minded. One thing you can do is get yourself to the doctors and start the ball rolling on you getting checked out. Then you will need to at some point with gentle persuasion get your husbands sperm checked.

To take my mind off things and relieve stress I've become a gym bunny and go every weekday. So perhaps find another release to ease troubles instead of smoking.

Men are such complex creatures aren't they but don't sacrifice your feelings and happiness at the same time, as you may become quite resentful of your OH which I know is a relationship breaker. It sounds like you are already feeling quite down which I hope your husband can see.

Why can't life be straight forward!!
Good luck xxx
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