Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 4:45 pm
Post subject: I should'nt feel this way.
This is long story but ill try and explain it as short as poss. When I first met my partner his ex was pregnant with their daughter they had split before she had found out she was pregnant. So I am very lucky that I have been in my stepdaughterís life since day 1 or though it has caused loads of other problems. I do love my partners child very much but she is being brought up in a way which I donít agree with and when she spends time with us we disagree constantly about her which I no isnít health but I am now pregnant with my first child and am finding it harder than ever to bond with my step daughter and end up feel angry at my partner every weekend I donít no what is wrong with me I feel so guilty I really want to make sure both children are treated the same but my partner said he will always be softer on his first as he feels guilty for not being with her everyday and for starting a new family with me. ahh this situation is driving me mad we now sleep in different beds when she stays over as he allows her to sleep in bed with him something that I wont be allowing my own child. I no this all sounds silly but its making me doubt our relationship and whether we will last once my baby is born. Has anyone else felt this way? Am I just being stupid?
Sorry for the rant.
Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 9:27 am
Can I ask how old is the child?
Your oh need to realise that he is not guilty of anything as he is in his childs life. And when the new baby comes along they both needed to be treated the same as there will be problems later on if he doesnt (jealousy etc).
I really hope you get things sorted. xxx
After 3 and half years of ttc, tests being clear and unable to adopt, we have decided to become a patchwork family. Me, my hubby and stepchildren.
Its so sad to know I will never hear the word 'Mommy'.x
Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 5:01 pm
I agree with Claire, start as you mean to go one, that way everyone know where their place is,
I don't think you are being silly, Its only fair that they get treated equally, i make Oh give our DD whatever money he give his 2 children from his previous relationship, if they go to the shop and have £1 so does our DD, at xmas, bday etc, they all get the same amount spent on them, if we buy for one we buy for 3, unless its the essentials like clothes, shoes, nappys, wipes etc, but they all come out of the CB anyway,
I think you need to sit down and talk things through as a couple,
How old is she? your stepdaughter?
Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 12:02 pm
we are exactly the same we buy for 3 everytime and we make it very clear it is our house and when the kids are there they all live by our rules! - it saves sooo many arguments/confusion. As for your sd sleeping in your bed i personally think its unacceptable, that is your and you partners space and he should be respecting that! - worst case he should go to her bed until she goes back to sleep - everyones different but in my mind there should be no favouritism in the children regardless of if they live with you permanantly or not! - its not that easy though we took a few years to settle into family life with our step kids its a learning curve, don't be to hard on yourself over it, just discuss the problems and decide how your going to move forward, my biggest mistake was letting things brew over in my mind and not speaking out when things came up - congratualtions on your pregnancy! Hope you get it all sorted!
Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:42 pm
Post subject: Thank you
Thank you all for your replys nice to hear what other people think because sometimes i do wonder if im being abit harsh.
My partners daughter is 2 so she is still very young and thats why i feel awful for feeling this way about a two year old im alreay dreading this weekend.
I did try and speak to my partner but he just gets so defensive and to be honest havnt got the energy to keep going over the same thing and getting no where.
This sounds bad to, but i just thought today really if we split up and i ever meet any1 else will they feel this way about my child.
Sorry ranting again.
take care x
Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 11:16 am
My SD was 3 when she started sleeping over, she used to get up in the night and try getting in bed with us, i told my Oh to take her back to her room, give her a kiss and tuck her back in and after a few times it had it effect and she slept though, no problems, but that was because she had to get used to the idea, that her bed was her bed, and our bed was our bed, and thats where me and her dad slept, not the children, i dont let my own DD sleep in our bed, we have morning snuggles and thats it, same as with the SKs whens they are here,
My Oh was a bit on the defensive side to start with, but once he realised it worked there as been no going back since, ( i was the eldest of 5 children and my baby sister is 10 years my younger ) so i picked a few things up from Mum,
What i say goes, as he knows it always works, we have no problems whats so ever, no arguements, disagreements nothing, everyone is treated equally, which works for us,
I know how hard it is being a Step-mum, and no matter how much you feel like you are trying it always seems to get throw back in your face, I always say its the hardest job in the world, its so much harder than having your own children,
I know no matter how hard the situation is with regard to the children it will never split us up, we are way to strong for that, and if we did and i found someone else ( we wont happen but...) then if that person didnt respect my children, or my children had problems with them they would be gone, I wouldnt make home with anyone my children were not happy being with ( if that makes any sence )