need advice if possible.

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starx
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Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 10:24 am 
Post subject: need advice if possible.
hi im new to this and currently pregnant with my first baby which i cant wait for! The babys dad - left me to be a single parent - but lately i've been thinking positive about it (wasnt the first and wont be the last - and the baby will be more loved off me than it will ever be!!)

the babys dad has threatened me numerous times to take me to court, threatened my family, and called my mum alsorts - i've never said a bad word about his family i have too much respect for people. im trying not to get stressed out. But it has been to the point where I didnt want the baby - just to get him out of my life (when i was 16 wks pregnant!). I havent eaten or slept as much, and trying to hold down a full time job. due to lack of sleep im fainting and ended up in hosptial. now im 20 week, am so much happier, ive learned to deal with things - even started buying everything the baby needs. and think its the best feeling when i feel the baby move!!

i really need a bit of advice, because due to everything thats happened, the babys dad hasnt contributed or got involved! the babys dad has a bad history (court / jail / drink driving / drugs). He wants to be civil for the babys sake, at first when he left and threatened me and my family, i thought no why should i?! now im trying to be civil, but hes not making it easy for me, he didnt go to the babys 12 week scan and now hes going to miss the babys 20 week scan (what sorta dad to be does that?) anytime ive ended up in hosptial its always been my family by my side - not him!... when the baby is born i've told him id love for him to see the baby as much as he wants!! (Hes decided to see the baby a once or twice a week!!) Its always me that has to go out her way just to tell him about the baby, he never asks anything - its like hes not interested!!

I've chosen the babys name if its a boy or a girl and had my heart set on it - as these names mean a lot to my family. But yet again last night i had him on the phone threatening me to take me to court because he didnt like one of the babys names!! and if i call the baby this name he will call him/her something else!! (PATHETIC!!)... I've told him until he contributes and gets involved he'l get a say. im not doing this out of badness but ive litterally ran out of energy with him, and just tempted to take him to court myself!!!...

Does he have a say in the babys name after everything thats happened?
What rights does he have because he seems to think he has all the rights in the world!!

Sorry for the long rant, im just really annoyed with everything
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sophie2008
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Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 11:39 am 
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Im sorry to hear about the situation you are in. Sounds like someone is being quite petty. I dont know what he is planning to take you to court for. If he even tried to take you to court over the baby's name it would be the biggest waste of time. He cannot get you into any trouble for the naming of your baby. And if he is planning to take you to court for custody of baby... Welll that will never happen if you are in a job, have a stable home and as you said he has a colourful history. If he even attempted that one you would get full custody anyway... So as for the court saga- dont stress about it as he has no case.

And as for the names, you should name baby what you want to. If he has had no input, not supported you and not given any money to buy the numerous things a baby needs then why should he have a say. It sounds a bit nasty to say that, but how can he expect to have a say in something so important if he cant even be bothered to provide the essential things and time and support for you too.
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starx
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Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 2:36 pm 
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sophie2008 wrote:
Im sorry to hear about the situation you are in. Sounds like someone is being quite petty. I dont know what he is planning to take you to court for. If he even tried to take you to court over the baby's name it would be the biggest waste of time. He cannot get you into any trouble for the naming of your baby. And if he is planning to take you to court for custody of baby... Welll that will never happen if you are in a job, have a stable home and as you said he has a colourful history. If he even attempted that one you would get full custody anyway... So as for the court saga- dont stress about it as he has no case.

And as for the names, you should name baby what you want to. If he has had no input, not supported you and not given any money to buy the numerous things a baby needs then why should he have a say. It sounds a bit nasty to say that, but how can he expect to have a say in something so important if he cant even be bothered to provide the essential things and time and support for you too.


thank u, ive told him until he does contribute - thats when he'll have a say... ive basically bought the baby everything. and im in the process of getting a big enough house for me and the baby.
his first attempt of threatening me with court was for full custody - i told him theres no chance! cos i can show my lawyer all the texts ive kept saying he was out "on business" and taking drugs!
now his 2nd attempt is due to the name - ive told him aslong as he gets to see the baby ive done nothing wrong! and he would get laughed outta court! i've even had his mum on the phone about all this its getting ridiculous!!
LISAx
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Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 4:23 pm 
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Sounds exactly like the situation i was in!!

He doesn't have a say in the naming at all. Alfie's dad came with me when i got him registered as he wanted to be on the birth certificate and the woman said.."MUM, what is the babies name." Legally, the dad doesn't get a say at all.

He sounds exactly like my ex, and if he is like him then i doubt he will get off his arse and go to court anyway. Don't listen to any of his threats and eventually he'll learn that they get him nowhere. Alfie's 5 months now and his dad has finally learnt this Smile

Good luck with everything, i love being a single mum now Very Happy
xx
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starx
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Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 4:33 pm 
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LISAx wrote:
Sounds exactly like the situation i was in!!

He doesn't have a say in the naming at all. Alfie's dad came with me when i got him registered as he wanted to be on the birth certificate and the woman said.."MUM, what is the babies name." Legally, the dad doesn't get a say at all.

He sounds exactly like my ex, and if he is like him then i doubt he will get off his arse and go to court anyway. Don't listen to any of his threats and eventually he'll learn that they get him nowhere. Alfie's 5 months now and his dad has finally learnt this Smile

Good luck with everything, i love being a single mum now Very Happy
xx


Thank u hun, i really didnt think he did have any rights to the name Smile

i was scared about being a single parent at first now i cant wait cause im at the stage where i want everything organised, i cant wait for every moment with the baby, and when i felt it first kick i thought it was amazing, because it made me relise im going to be a mummy Razz
RorosMum
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Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 4:27 pm 
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Fathers only get rights if they are either married to the mother or put on the birth certificate. If you choose to put him on the birth certificate you automatically are giving him equal rights to your baby, if you don't he can't take you to court for access etc but on the same hand unless he volunteers it you won't get the legal right to child support. x
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hannahthompson
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Posted: Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:14 am 
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Really this is very nice information. You to court for custody of baby... Well that will never happen if you are in a job, have a stable home and as you said he has a colorful history. Just to get him out of life. I havenít eaten or slept as much, and trying to hold down a full time job. If you choose to put him on the birth certificate you automatically are giving him equal rights to your baby, thanks again. Laughing
starx
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Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 9:33 am 
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thanks ladies... my babies dad hasnt saw his son since he was a month old, hes only saw him 4 times. threatened me with a court letter over xmas if i didnt let him see the baby - n i laughed at him, noones stopping him!! never ever recevied the court letter!! my little boys 6months now, n the way i see it he doesnt need his dad!! never been so happy x
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