Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:23 am
So sorry to hear about your troubles millarose. I agree with the girls. You sound like a great mom, who loves her kids very much. You deserve to be loved and respected by your man, as his partner and the mother of his kids. His behaviour is NOT acceptable. See if you can get him to talk to you properly (without him turning into an arse) and to tell you what it is he wants. really wants. Counselling sounds like a good idea and needed. Else its best to separate for awhile to see how you both feel about each other and your relationship. This doesn't sound too easy with him being in the RAF, but I think you and your feelings and your relationship are more important than him telling work that everything is A-OK at home so that he can go to Afganistan. Big hug.
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 12:49 pm
I really feel it for you, you dont desrrve this treatment but only you can put a stop to it. Its not for me or anyone to tell you what to do just think long and hard about what you want for your future and the baby's futute.
Good luck, take care and remember to look after yourself.
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 1:25 pm
so sorry to read your story, you poor thing. So many men don't seem to understand how fragile we become when pregnant - or don't care!
You mentioned that if you split you won't be able to afford to pay 2 rents - that really isn't your problem, its HIS. Don't undervalue what you do, and what you contribute to your partnership. He may feel like he's the earner so has more rights, but the value of a full time mum and wife is huge. It sounds to me like he is being selfish beyond the point of what you should be expected to take - maybe it is time for you to be a little selfish and think of your own happiness. It doesn't sound like you intend to throw away your marriage lightly - and neither should you, it is a precious thing - BUT to me, worse in many ways than his selfishness to you is his statement of 'I never wanted children'. What if your children overhear him saying that? how will that make them feel about themselves and their Daddy? I think that's an awful awful thing to say - and I can only guess that he is saying it in order to hurt you as much as possible.
Do you have family or a good friend to turn to for help? If not, do the RAF offer any support for ladies in your situation?
I hope you can find it within yourself to be happy about your children and your poregnancy - this should be such a wonderful time for you, please don't let him spoil it for you!!
whatever you decide, good luck hun
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 1:58 pm
Thank you so much for the lovely hugs and kind words. This morning before he went to work he said he really loved me and we could work this out - he said he wants to talk when he gets home tonight, so fingers crossed he really means it this time and we don't end up having a huge row. Thank you Anna about the children comment - that is exactly how I feel. They are here now, so him saying he never wanted children seems to me like he does not want our children now which I find disgusting. Anyway, hopefully tonight goes well. Thank you all - I really mean that.
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 2:27 pm
How are you feeling today? My heart goes out to your situation at the moment.
have been reading these posts and the girls on this site are so lovely! this truly is a place where you can come and let everything out and someone will listen and give advice.
Make sure you keep talking to us, it really will help you to keep talkign about your feelings right now.
I'm sure it will all work out for you soon which ever way it may go, but rememeber in the meantime we are all here for you and eachother.
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 2:33 pm
Thanks Chelle. Today is a bit better, not so teary, but I am exhausted as I was up almost all night (couldn't sleep as I was feeling so upset and worked up). Husband will not be back until at least 7pm, so had a chance to think some things through. My physchiatry appointment went really well and they want to send me for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to see if I can try to overcome the depression without having medication, especially whilst pregnant so feeling more positive.
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 2:52 pm
i understand what depression is like i sufer from it also, and what with my hormones kicking in i have had some pretty low times in the last couple of months i even tried to crash my car last month cause everything just felt like it couldn't get any worse.
theres a few other girls on this post who also suffer from it so your not alone.
Depression is a strange thing sometimes i actually know i am making myself feel worse but just cannot help myself its like i want to be miserable?! and other days i feel stronger and think i can deal with this.
It doesn't help in relationships its hard to know what i was over reacting to cause of my illness, what i was well within my rights to react cause he was out of order,
and add some extra pregnancy hormones in the mix and OMG!!
I think the key is talking, the more i write or talk the more clearer i understand myself
I'm so pleased your meeting today went well and you feel better,
i also hope things go well with oh tonight!!! try and be positive& strong tonight, and I hope he works with you rather than against you.
Please remember you are a lovely person and a great mum! regardless of how your feeling, you are those two things! You need support and understanding.
Please keep talking to us we're all here for you.
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 2:56 pm
Millwallrose - you really not alone, so many of us out there are feeling low and have no relationship with our partners or spouses, but we all go through different phases in our life. If you cany get support from your man, you need to find it in a friend, holdingthumbs for you. Everything will work out fine xx
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 3:20 pm
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:51 pm
Hold on, your picking on someone you dont know. Dont ge tme wrong I feel sorry for you to go through all that . I`m at exactly the same stage and he might soond selfisch but he mightnt be either. I know its hard to talk to someone who offends you but deep dow he might me hurt. mine was and I didn tsee. Now he suggested to got to a marriage councellor and I have to say since we go its getting slowly better. I missed different things on him, but men tend to be different anyway. Try to get him to talk to a councellor with you before everythign will be thown away. You need support from your husband and I reckon its the ebst way to get it back. If he really wants to do it himself thats a good start. When you are hurt you tend to say these things that you never wanted kids, you know. Mine keeps saying that he feels used because he things i only slept wiht him to get pregnant. So do yourselves a favour and get this sorted!!!
Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 9:19 pm
arrrrrrrr hunny, so sorry to hear that, i know its hard having to kids and being in pain and i am not even on crutches,
why do men think that its our job to do everything, they also produce children, there lives are quite easy really, its easier going to woprk than looking after 2 kids, my hubby works very hard and helps with the kids normally but not now he is off,
kick him up the arse xxxxxxx
Posted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 9:35 pm
Zaarambar for a matter of fact I have been supportive - I am not stopping him going to Afghanistan, just on a course for 2 months whilst I am physically incapable of doing things. I have invited him to have a chat with me and the health visitor, to which he said no. And also the whole reason we had this row is because I am miserable and I wanted to make things better for my children.
DevonMum it went ok, but not great. We had another mini row because he did his usual silent sulk where it was just me talking. I asked him what I could do to help, but he said his main problem is work so it stresses him and he takes it out on us, so I told him he was going to have to find some way to deal with it - I will try to not nag him as much but he needs to help me a bit. We still can't get over this course thing though - he is adamant that he wants to go because he really wants to go to Afghanistan which I really do not mind, but I can't be alone for that long without help because my children will also suffer as I can't take them out anywhere (especially the park), I can't walk, and they love being outside so it's restricting them. Still kind of stuck.