Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:42 am
Post subject: Living arragements ruining your pregnancy...???!!!!!
What i'd always dreamed of being the happiest time of my life, being pregnant for the first time, is only feeling like the most depressing unhappiest time due to problems out of our control. I'm really struggling with my current living arrangments situation and wondered if i'm not totally alone?
Me & oh are in great stable happy relationship both in our 30's and ready for this pregnancy and life changing experience,
BUT We bought the house from hell last year but in the best location, we knew it would be a massive job and got to work in April...FOUR months on it still has no stairs, no internal walls, no kitchen etc nothing as we had problems from hell had to just replace the entire roof! Meanwhile i was still panicking about being on pill for 17years being over 30 and how i should get my body ready for when we do start trying (when move back in our house) i assured paul it takes average couple 10 months ttc... so off the pill i came!
to save money we've had to move in with pauls parents,
and wham bang straight away this pg has happened whilst living there!
we have no privacy they are in all the time we can't afford to keep going out, pauls workign on the house day and night at weekends so i find i'm stuck with his parents all day (keep turning up at friends houses and see my family to get away but feel like a latch key dog and just miss paul too much) my heart fills up when paul walks through the door but me & his parents all fighting for his attention every evening and i just want him all to myself when he comes home, i can't share him anymore and am wishing every day away, his parents are lovely but I CAN'T BARE SEEING THEM every day like this i feel suffocated i can't breath,can;t even cook paul a dinner without them trying to get involved, it's ruining my pregnancy, everytime one of them mentions the baby i shout don't say another word i can;t bare to talk about this pregnancy whilst living there with them, i know they are getting upset with my strange behaviour as this is their first grandchild and are so excited i really feel for them they are lovely, but i don't even want to open a book and can't shop cause i have no where to store it as we are sleeping in the smallest box room ever so I can't nest! I can't breath with them.
Paul has assured me house should be ready end SEPT but i feel so sad my first 4 months of pregnancy is being wished away.
Just need to hear from peole that are going through the same as me?
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:47 am
I totally feel for you.. im not going hrough the exact same thing.. but come spetember I have nowhere to live. So it looks like im back at my mums, my OH will have to go back to his Mums. The council wont help us out and we really cant afford anywer to live at the moment.
I know ill feel the same as u in mnths to comes, ill miss my bf and want to share this experience with him.
Sept isnt that long away hun xxx
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:54 am
Hiya Mum2b, i've been seeing loads of your posts on here lately, so glad you replied.
I can't believe they won't house you before the baby born?
What if you say your and his parents won't have you threfore homeless, do they not have to house you as an emergency?
Are you same age as me in your 30's?? I think thats one of my main probs with this
i left home 14 years ago not used to living under some ele's roof now i hate it,
and not bein able to be with paul alone is the worse!
I'm sorry you may go through this too,
I know sept not far away but feels like years, and what with already having a depression problem and hormones having a 24/7 party! this makes it all seem worse than it is i know.
Hows your panic attacks? If you do move in your mums when did the council say they will rehouse you?
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:11 am
How annoying - I wrote a big message to you and it never posted!
I was saying I am sorry that your special months have been lost with worry and everything else you are dealing with. I can totally understand how much of a nightmare it is living with people after so many years alone. When I had my son my in-laws came to stay for a week, and whilst they were a wonderful help, after a couple of days I was desperate for them to go and to get my house back. I just felt suffocated - my mil did the dinner (a couple of time cooking something I did not even eat), dressed my daughter in clothes I would never put together, fussed over my husband, and held the baby every time he was not feeding or crying. It's also really hard going to visit them - you kind of feel like a spare part. Especially with you oh not being around much, it must be really hard because you cannot just enjoy this special time as I suppose when he gets in he is tired. All I can say is that I hope the house is sorted soon (although I know soon is never quick enough) so that you can have your chance to nest and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:13 am
Ha ha Millwallrose, i confused you cause i put this post under general pregnancy also, and read yuor reply on there! and i replied to you over there.
I posted it on here and there cause not sure many come over this one i ony started reading on here last week.
Thanks again for your reply
Sorry your evenign with oh didn;t go to plan last night. What you gonna do?
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:20 am
lol dopey me
No idea yet. I suppose just wait and see what happens with this course. He's not back in to normal work until monday when he will find out if he is going or whatever, so when he knows that we can decide where we go. I think if he does go I will just resent him even more and if he does not go he will resent me.
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:26 am
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:36 am
ah Chelle, poor you.
look on the bright side though - how much worse to have got everything perfect, then no pg so although your situation is far from ideal, it could be worse!!
I've got a couple of suggestions that MIGHT help brighten your grim times a little - feel free to ignore me lol.
- at weekends, go over to your house with Paul. You won't be able to hang around in dust etc, but is there a garden you could potter about in maybe? or even just neighbours you could get to know? or keep him topped up with tea and biscuits, and chat to him when he gets a break
- although you can't nest for real, you can research!! get down the library (free to join) and use their free internet access for the max time allowed every day - it will get you out of the house, and you can start making lists (my god I LIVED for lists when I was pregnant!!) that way as soon as you are in your house you can start buying all the right stuff - you can even buy now and arrange for delivery in a few months with lots of places if you like.
hope that helps a little bit
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:42 am
Hey Chelle and Mum2be! I thought I had problems with my living arrangements until I read this!! Im really sorry to hear about your situstions and I hope it all gets better sooner rather than later.
Try to hang in there and keep your chin up cause at the end of it all when your babies do arrive it will all have been worth it
x x x
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:54 am
Anna's suggestions sound great, and at the very least it would mean you got a bit more time with Paul and a bit of time out of the house without popping in on family and friends all the time. I hope he really does get the house sorted by September.
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:03 am
thanks you two, until now there has been no roof so if it rains no where to shelter for me, but hey my roof has gone on now! and this saturday paul has an electrician plumber and a bricky working with him!!! so i'm gonna gonna take my time go to the shops and make some nice rolls, drinks etc and drive them over to them at lunch time
they just go down to the cafe but paul moans it takes another hour out of the day so he'll be chuffed with this! what a brill idea just that alone has put a little smile on my face this morning I'm gonna take a book and read there for a while also if sunny in the garden if i can find a spare spot with no rubble.ha ha.
paul keeps tellign me how lovely it will be having a new home with lovely things for our new baby and i should be happy and grateful, which i know his right, but me being me and all my hormones can't help but think of only nag about today!
Also can search on net and get a rough idea before i buy...
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:47 am
Aw Chelle, big hugs !!!
I am so rubbish at advice but oh my god, how stunning will your house be when its done ? I truley believe, hand on heart, that Paul will have the house done for September, i really do
Your baby is going to have the best start in life with 2 parents who love him/her to pieces !!!
Told you i was rubbish at advice !!! xx
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:53 am
thanks Nic, i know its gonna be lovely and when done i'll feel so spoilt and lucky,
but at the moment deprived it's like two complete different situations... i know i've got to chill and be more patient. rgghh.
Paul is determined to get done by sept, so hope you are right too!
ladies, i'm still feeling like kicks / flutters / pokes... 2 inches below my belly button, paul this site and midwife tell me it can't possibly be the baby so early, but it def not wind its like someone in there poking
have any of you experienced this so ealry?or am i just odd.
Posted: Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:57 am
I would be feeling the exact same if i was in your position, god im getting stressed about David completely renovating the top floor of our house next month never mind what your going through !
I've definitely not felt anything that early, i felt mines kick for the first time today, i was so chuffed. I had maybe felt a couple of flutters last week but this was a proper kick xx