Rohan's story

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Bambiebam
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 7:05 pm 
Post subject: Rohan's story
On September the 13th 2009 i gave birth to a perfect little boy. 10 fingers and 10toes and a head full of hair. Although i was on alot of morphine, i remember the very moment he was born as if it were yesturday. I knew before the birth i wasnt going to hear a cry but i held my breath in hope...only to realise i would be surrounded by silence. My beautiful little boy was born at 36weeks, after a 5hour labour with a room full of people fighting to keep me alive. Unfortunatly my placenta came away while he was still inside me, slowly starving him of oxygen and making me suffer with extreame internal bleeding.


I live every single day thinking of him, and yesturday he would have been 9months old. Although it doesnt seem fair, and i dream of a life with him, i have finally found peace. For all you mothers who have lost, i want you to all know, that you will get through this, and your life can move on. You dont have to forget or pretend they never happened, just simply accept whats done is done. And now you have something far more precious waiting with open arms for when its your time, and nothing is more magical than that.

I am now expecting a little girl who is due on the 24th of October, i may only be 20years old and had 3 children, but i feel there is no greater gift, given what i have been through, i now value my children far more than many other parents, because of my experience, i can be the greatest mother possible. Some good can come out of bad. if anyone ever needs to talk, feel free to send me a little message, and i will be sure to try and help the best i can. With love to you all and your angels <3 xxxxx
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Komolafe
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Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 7:35 pm 
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Hi there,

I just had to stop by and say best of luck with your pregnancy stay as strong as you are. You will be a great support to so many. Thankfully i havent experienced such tragedy as you and many othees, but also ive never experienced what it feels like to get that BFP.

I wait in hope and you have given me hope that i can be strong too....cos today im having a really low day, but after reading what have you been through it has helped put things in perspective. So please take this in the manner its meant....it is refreshing to see a 'young' mum with such a lovely & sensible approach to life and motherhood ( i know there are so many good young mums so i dont mean it to sound as though im being critical of others!)

take care x
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Bambiebam
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Posted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 10:46 pm 
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Komolafe - Thankyou so much for your reply. I want to wish you the best of luck, and sending a ton of baby dust your way! Sometimes things arnt ment to be, but if you dont keep on going you will never know.Unfortunatly I can't say i understand what you are going through but i do have a little understanding of what its like to not have a child of your own, held in a womb of your own. My partner is Adopted, His parents could never concieve, and were never given a reason why. Sometimes life deals some really sh*tty cards, mostly to the best of people. I also have a friend who suffers with PCOS, and was given 3months left until she would have to go for everything removed. She suffered 1 miscarriage a year ago now. She is now 9weeks pregnant, something doctors told her was extreamly unlikely to happen, there is hope out there, and just goes to show they arnt always right. Keep fighting for what you want, there is so much hope out there. Sometimes it happens when it is least expected. Sending you all my love and as much strength as i can xxxxxxxxxxx
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JulieWoo
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Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 8:51 pm 
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Bambiebam
I am so sorry you lost you little boy. What did you call him?
I know its bittersweet, and you will never forget your perfect angel, but you are having a little girl in October - you are blessed and lucky to be alive after the trauma you suffered.

Did you find SANDS? And did it help you to come to terms with your loss?
I am truly sorry you lost your son - there are no words that can express the pain and sorrow.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy is uneventful and your labour is quick and easy this time.
Love Julie xx
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Our baby Eleanor lost 6 Apr 10
Bambiebam
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Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 9:08 pm 
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JulieWoo - Thankyou for your reply. We named him Rohan Richard Gary Sykes. And he truely was perfect!

I was told of SANDS but i never used them. So i cant really say if they are helpful or not. To be honest i coped with it fine on my own, i could go at my own pace and it gave me a good chance to think everything through for myself. Now i absolutly love to talk about him and feel no pain, maybe sometimes its best to do it yourself. I wont lie, it was damn hard and i even spent nights crying and cuddling my OH in bed, and eventhough we were only 19, we did it!! I recieved most of the support i needed watching my son each day. He had his first brithday on the 4th of October, and i just felt so blessed. He truely is the most precious person in my life, and i wil forever thank him for the smile and giggles he gives me each day.

We planned our daughter, we felt ready to do it again and make sure it was done right..i fell pregnant in the first cycle of TTC and we know this one is meant to be! I am so excited!! (nervous too) we cant wait for her to be here with us. I see you have lost too?? do you mind me asking what happened?

Hope all is well xxx
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JulieWoo
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Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 9:16 pm 
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Hi hun,
Rohan is a lovely name (sorry, i missed the post title doh). I am so glad you little boy gives you so much joy.
You are so young to have such sadness - and it truly is a gutwrenching tragedy. I found it helpful to talk to other ladies on SANDS that had lost for a while - but it gets so depressing and draws you down into a spiral of despair - so i didnt use it for long.
I lost Eleanor when i went into premature labour caused directly from a urine infection. I think about her every day.
She was beautiful and perfect, even though she was so early. She had eyebrows and perfect skin - she was just too small to survive.

I am glad to see you have such a supportive OH - sorrow like that puts such a strain on relationships.

Julie xx
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Our baby Eleanor lost 6 Apr 10
Bambiebam
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Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 9:26 pm 
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WOW!! fast reply there thanks Very Happy
Sorry to hear of your little girl, and so recent too...she would be proud of the way you are coping! I see what you mean about SANDS...i found a few groups and made friends but it seemed they hadnt quite Recovered from the shock of pain of their loses. I also have a close friend who suffered a miscarriage at 11weeks who kept telling me she knew how i felt...how is that possible!!!???!!! It angered me and upset me so i shut myself off from talking to anyone, and just dealt with it the best way i could myself, and it seemed to have worked! I found the best thing to do was get up and carry on...because there is nothing i can do to change what happened in any way shape or form, there is npo choice but to carry on.

I hope your pain isnt too much, you seem to be doing so well!!! feel free to chat whenever you want, i check this page every night so can give a fast responce! Keep your head high. Just take each day as it comes...and try to start it witha smile, just how she would want you to be. =] xxxxxxxxxxxx
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xxVictoriaxx
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:52 pm 
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Thanks for sharing your story.
I'm so sorry for the loss of Rohan, I so wish this sort of thing never happened. Before I lost my little girl I used to think getting past 12 weeks was safe and nothing would go wrong after that.
I found Sands, but I soon found that I wanted to move on and try to deal with what had happened but others seemed to be stuck in the grieving process, everyone deals with it differently but it started to bring me down. But they also do wonderful work with research and campaining too.
I hope you don't mind me asking, but how have you found being pregnant again? I'm still trying & altho I want to get that bfp more than anything in the world, I'm totally petrified.
I hope everything goes smoothly for you this time, take care xx
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Bambiebam
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 5:21 pm 
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Hey VictoriaC Very Happy I'm sorry to hear of your loss too, and hope you can find some peace.

I was very nervous about doing the whole pregnancy thing again, but to be honest it has been quite easy...alot easier than i expected. After suffering such losses like we have, Midwives and consultants are fantastic!! when i reached 13weeks i rented a doppler from ebay at just 9.95 a month and this was a total godsend!! Midwives always advise against them so you dont make yourself panic, but i went and did it anyway! Now i am further gone i only use the doppler about once every 2weeks, as baby moves alot anyway. I would definatly advise anyone who is pregnant after a loss to rent or buy one of these!

I suppose it all depends on why you had your first loss. For some it is very unlikely for it to happen again. I always remind myself, i've done it once, got through the pain, i CAN do it again if the worst happened. But i couldnt forgive myself if i didnt try, you really dont know until you do. And if i was to have another loss, i know the blow wouldnt be so hard, as my little boy would have company and i would just take it as it comes. Each day with my little girl inside me is such a blessing, and if that is all i get of her time, damn,its dead worthit! xxx
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xxVictoriaxx
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Posted: Wed Jun 23, 2010 6:49 am 
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You have such a great attitude to it all hun, it is a blessing no matter how long we get with them. I'm gad things are going much better for you this time & you haven't found it too scary.
I'm going to have consultant led care from the start when I get my bfp and we have an action plan in place for my care, so I know I'll be in good hands, just still seems very scary tho!
We don't know why it happened, it could have been due to the car crash we had or it could have been due to something else (it's being looked into at the moment). If it was the car crash then it's just one of those things, but if something else (to do with me) then there's a roughly 15% increase in the chance of it happening again.
One things for sure, I will def be getting one of the dopplers!! I think it would help me get thru my pregnancy.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy & look forward to reading the birth announcement of your little girl. xx
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LauraG
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Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 4:38 pm 
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wot a wonderful message im sure ur little boy is very proud of u getting thru this:)
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